The Ability To Reconnect

 

There have been so many people that we encounter through out lives. I am sure that there will be many more to cross still.

Ones that we crossed paths with who taught us a variety of different lessons. Some taught us how to be kind, others taught us love. There are the ones who showed us loyalty and laughter, and how to waver an oncoming storm. Though the hardest ones showed us pain and sadness. These people reminded us that we are strong and no matter how much kindness and love is shown that there are people who will warp that into darkness and pain.

I have been thinking a lot about this lately especially as the years have been passing by faster and faster. When I was growing up it was almost a right of a passage to have that title of popularity at some point. In all honesty I can't say that there was ever a time in my life where I would have deemed myself as popular. Was the one who seemingly relied on 1 or 2 people who I attempted to keep close. This at times was a downfall, okay was a downfall a lot of the time. Even with those 1 or 2 people I was always afraid of being too weird, or not fitting it. It caused me to learn to camouflage very quickly and always stay a little distant and for good reason.

There are friendships that will run their course through the years, especially at pivotal transition moments in our lives. A big one for myself were the move from elementary school to junior high, and from junior high to high school. Now if I am not mistaken these milestones affect everyone in some regard. On all of these occasions there was a drastic shuffle. Separating due to different schools in a lot of cases and then no matter how many promises made, you naturally start to drift. 

New friendships are formed, whether temporary or not isn't known at the time. You manage to get through what seems like 3 grueling years and are starting to be prepped for high school. I thought that I knew what was going to happen, I would remain at the same school, I would continue along with the group of friends I had for 3-6 years. I knew I had a place on the volleyball team and thought that I was blessed to have it somewhat figured out. Well this wasn't the way it played out. Instead it was a horrible summer of the people who I thought were there for me turning into people I didn't recognize. To this day I still don't understand why. It got serious enough with the threats and bullying that I was forced to switch schools.

It was an opportunity for a fresh start yet again. This time I had made a promise to myself to not be as shy and reserved. Not to be the one who sits meekly in the corner. I was pleasantly surprised and grateful to be able to rekindle a previous friendship with a woman who is still one of my best friends to this day. It has been 27 years that we have been friends and not matter the time that passed over the years, when we reconnected it was just like yesterday. There were other friendships that began and evolved through those years of self discovery and growth that I will be forever grateful for.

Moving into adulthood was a little on the tough side, as the responsibilities are changing and your trying to find your corner of the world. Some have families, others are focused on launching their careers, and life goes on. Then there are those precious opportunities to regain that safety net with someone who has known you from what seems like the beginning. You are now at the age where you can really see where the foundation of you relationship sprouted from and you do everything to keep that in tact.

There are people along the way who you connect with in a way that you didn't think possible as your jaded mind has shown you a lot more of the bad then good with some. Whether they be a colleague, previous relationship, or a random encounter. You proceed with caution not wanting to repeat mistakes but in the end see that it is worth it. I found in my late 20s and 30s that this was more the time where I was choosey of who I spent my time with. Unlike my late teens and early 20s where I just wanted the attention and "popularity" this was when I was looking something concrete, something with depth and sincerity. Those are the ones that are hard to find.

When you have that moment of realization about what your goals are and who you want to continue growing as a person, it becomes so important to is along with you for that journey. 

I recently looked through my wonderful social media list just for curiosity sake and was heartbroken to so degree to how much we have fallen out with people. It was at that point where the decision was made to attempt to make that much needed time to reconnect with those near and dear to me.

The past year was learning to let go of all the toxicity. There were more people then I care to admit that were in my inner circle that did not deserve that place. And with the love and support from a few key people in my life I was able to close those doors and push forward. I don't wish anything negative or ill-willed upon these individuals, just the hope they find what they are needing in life as I have.

This is now the time where I have the ability to reconnect with those who can relate and understand some of my struggles. People who will see my kindness for what it is, and not the advantage of it. Who have that same breed of "crazy" I do and continue to push forward making life in general that much better.